Helping Kids Navigate Friendship the Right Way

A few days into the school year, your child gets in the car and suddenly goes quiet.

You can tell something is off, and then, they finally say it out loud:

“I don’t have anyone to sit with at lunch.”

Or, “She used to be my friend, but now she’s mad.”

Or even, “They’re being nice in front of the teacher, but not when we’re by ourselves.”

As a parent, those moments hit hard. You want to protect them and fix it quickly. But friendship struggles are rarely simple, and there aren’t usually instant solutions.

Thankfully, at The First Academy, building healthy relationships is part of student growth from the earliest years through graduation at all of our programs, including Hybrid Home+School and Distinct Abilities Learning.

Friendship Is Not Always Easy, and That Is Normal

Friendship is one of the most important parts of growing up, but it doesn’t look the same at every age.

In the early years, friendships often form quickly. Young ones are eagerly learning the basics, like sharing, taking turns, apologizing, and including others. As they move into upper elementary and beyond, friendships begin to carry more emotional weight. Students become more aware of themselves and more aware of how others see them. Their world expands beyond family, and friend groups start to matter more. 

That’s why you start to see a shift from about grades 4 to 10:

• Children can become ego-centric, meaning they tend to take things very personally
• Any insecurities they may have can shape how they interpret people’s actions
• Their impulse filter is still developing, so they might speak or react before slowing down to think it through

So, at The First Academy, we come alongside students and teach skills that are practiced and strengthened over time because healthy relationships are sacred work.

“We were built for relationships,” said Elaine Connell, Lower School Dean. “That’s how God made us — to be in relationship with Him and others.”

Starting in Lower School: Building the Foundation Early

Students begin learning how to make and keep friends as early as K4 at TFA. Our guidance is rooted in biblical truth and shaped by the Golden Rule: treat others the way you want to be treated. 

That foundation shows up in everyday moments, including conflict. When students struggle to get along, the goal is not just to stop the disagreement. The goal is to help them recognize what is happening and learn a better way forward.

For example, there were two students who had very similar personalities. Both wanted things their way, and neither liked what they saw in the other. Instead of treating it as “just drama,” the conflict became a teaching moment. The students were guided to identify what triggered the disagreement, recognize how their own behavior affected the other person, and practice a better response. 

At this stage, children can often talk through conflicts more easily with support, and those conversations help them build habits they will rely on later.

Middle School: Choosing Kindness Even When Friendships Shift

Middle school is often where friendship feels more intense. Students begin expanding socially, emotions run higher, and insecurity tends to increase. As a result, friendships can become bumpy or changeable.

One important message students learn during these years is that even if friend groups change, it’s not permission to be unkind. Students may not be best friends with everyone, but they are still expected to treat everyone with kindness. 

TFA supports that growth through targeted lessons in chapel, mentorship groups, and advisory groups that reinforce the message that every person is made in God’s image and deserves dignity.

Upper School: Helping Students Feel Seen and Included

In Upper School, friendships are still important, but life gets fuller. Students get involved in more activities, sports, and classes, and that naturally affects who they spend time with. 

Even when social circles change, students still need to feel seen, so TFA leaders make sure no one sits alone at lunch and that new students are paired with a buddy who reaches out over the summer and helps them get connected when school begins. 

Bible study groups span all grades in Upper School, so students can find friend groups outside their own grade as well.

“Also, I really just try to be an intentional safe place,” said Grayson Merrit, Upper School College Advisor. “I’m always making sure that I’m in the hallways, making myself present, so they feel like they have somewhere to go. Then, we help them with whatever they are walking through.”

What Respect Looks Like When There Is Conflict

Even with guidance and practice, students of all ages will still experience conflict in healthy relationships and need to know how to respond.

At The First Academy, students are not expected to ignore discomfort or pretend everything is fine. When conflict arises, they are guided toward honest communication, taking responsibility when needed, respecting boundaries, and learning how to repair what has been damaged. 

Students are also encouraged not to gossip but to go directly to the person involved and have honest and healthy conversations, following the principle of Matthew 18. 

Over time, this shapes more than just social skills. It shapes character.

As students practice working through conflict with guidance, they develop the kinds of traits they will need for the rest of their lives:

• Humility, including the willingness to admit wrongdoing and apologize
• Respectful communication, especially when emotions are high 
• Spiritual maturity, choosing responses that align with biblical truth and a Christ-following life
• Perseverance, because relationships take work, even when it would be easier to walk away

Tips for Parents When Friendship Gets Messy

When your child comes home upset, it is natural to feel protective. But friendship conflict often gets worse when adults rush to judgment — or to a solution — too quickly.

“Every time your child talks to you as a parent, you’re holding two buckets,” said Dr. Natalie Holter, Middle School Principal. “One is a bucket of gasoline, and the other is a bucket of water. And the bucket you choose to throw is going to really dictate what happens next.”

Here are a few ways to choose “water” in the moment:

• Stay calm, even if you feel angry inside
• Give your child time to cool down and process before drawing conclusions
• Listen for the facts, then help your child decide what a wise next step looks like
• Be careful with harsh labels like bullying 
• Remind them that this too shall pass

“Whatever seems huge in the moment is really just a blip in time, and there’s a reason God is allowing you to experience it,” Holter added. “Don’t let yourself get overwhelmed by situations. They are temporary.”

Friendships may change from year to year, and some seasons may feel confusing or painful.  Still, students can grow through it and create something lasting — the skills to build relationships with humility, kindness, and wisdom.